I get asked this question more than almost any other, usually by parents who have just discovered that their kid's essay was suspiciously polished. It is a fair question, and I do not think the honest answer is yes or no.
I developed and use my own AI assistant at home, on my own hardware, so I am not an AI skeptic. I use these tools every day. That experience is exactly why I think the question needs a better frame than "is it allowed."
Start with what the homework is for
Every assignment exists to build something. A page of long division builds a procedure until it is automatic. A history essay builds the ability to organize an argument. A reading log builds the habit of reading. The right question about AI is whether it helps build that thing or skips it.
If a tool writes the essay, the argument-building never happens, no matter how good the essay looks. If a tool explains a concept the kid is stuck on, and the kid then does the work, the learning is intact. The tool is the same in both cases, and the result is very different.
A simple framework
Here are the three questions I would use with a kid:
- What is this assignment supposed to build? Say it in one sentence.
- Would using AI here do that building for me, or help me do it?
- Could I explain my answer without the tool in front of me? If not, the learning did not happen.
That last question is the one I trust most. It works for kids and adults.
Where AI genuinely helps
Used well, these tools can be a patient tutor. They can explain a concept a second and third way, generate practice problems, or point out where an argument is unclear. Picture a kid who writes their own draft and then asks an AI where the reasoning is weak. That kid is doing more thinking, not less.
The difference is who is doing the work. When the kid produces and the tool critiques, it helps. When the tool produces and the kid submits, it replaces.
The root cause underneath
When a kid leans on AI to do homework, it is worth asking why, the same way you would with any recurring problem. Sometimes it is a time crunch. Sometimes the assignment feels pointless. Sometimes the kid is lost and embarrassed to say so. Each of those has a different fix, and a ban on the tool addresses none of them.
Setting expectations at home
Rather than a single rule, it helps to agree on a few defaults with your kid and revisit them as they get older. Drafts and first attempts are done without AI. Questions about concepts are fine. Anything submitted has to be something they could explain at the dinner table. Those three cover most situations, and they are easy to remember.
It also helps to check what each teacher allows, because the rules vary a lot from class to class. A tool that is welcome for brainstorming in one class may count as cheating in another, and kids should not have to guess.
Always, Always, Always check the AI's work
Frequently, you will find errors and/or assumptions in the output. I have seen many instances where the AI is flat out wrong and when pressed for more information on where the answer came from: The AI admitted to guessing. Scary, right!?!
Talk about it out loud
The best thing I have found is to make AI use something the family talks about rather than something kids hide. Ask what they used it for this week, what it got wrong, and whether they caught it. Those conversations teach a habit that will matter long after this year's homework: treating a confident answer as a claim to check, not a fact to accept.
That habit is also the core of problem solving. A good answer is one you can trace back to evidence, whoever or whatever produced it.
Learning more
I wrote Hey Jarvis: Your Machine. Your AI. Your Rules. about building and living with a personal AI, including where I think the lines should be. For the problem solving side, the free worksheet at https://solved360.com/pages/free is a good way to practice the kind of thinking no tool should do for your kid. Try it on the AI question itself.